Compiled by eva day and Aunty Norma Normal
1) SHOPPING. shopping is so very bad for recovery that it has a category of it's own here, plus several sub-categories. Shopping is very confusing and distressing while you are on treatment. But this does not qucikly change after EOT. People are out there. Aaggh they get in your way and act annoying, and talk loudly or yell in echoing voices into their mobile phones. Also they might LOOK at you, and you certainly don't want that. Probably you look ill and angry. Also shops are dreadful, full of too much STUFF that looks like a jumble of confusion, how do you know what anything is or what you are wanting to buy? You already forgot due to the stressful environment and all the weird music and horrible lighting. Uggh. Also money is very confusing and you probably anyway will leave the shop without the items you purchased.....Avoid shopping as much as possible.
2) Your Gp and / or consultant / hep c nurse. I am sorry but two weeks after you have finished treatment, they will now think you must be alright. They will want to cut off your supply of pain meds/ valium / sleeping tablets, and will be puzzled as to why you seem to be looking wild eyed, crazed and semi-hysterical. You must be a really difficult patient. Try to give these people some written information and /or go to appointments with a trusted friend. Also try not to kill them, clinics have a zero tolerance policy and they don't undertand that - so do you...... )))
3) More Shopping problems. People who stand in the way. OH GOD THEY SHOULD BE SENT TO AN ENFORCED BOOT CAMP TO LEARN SOME SPATIAL AWARENESS. In small groups of 3 or 4 they will stop to chat in the middle of the pavement, taking up as much space as possible by spreading out and waving their arms around. In twos and threes, they will stand in the MIDDLE OF THE AISLE in a shop and block it while they discuss bullshit. Solo people will angle their trolleys right across the aisle. They will also stand still in shop doorways, checking their text messages. WHY???? Also , on busy streets, the majority of people have no idea how to walk amongst crowds, they amble around in meandering lines so you can't deftly negotiate your way through it all quickly and GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. Shopping malls are especially dreadful and the stress of all this will certainly disrupt your recovery
4) Unrealistic expectations, I have to tell you that if you thought that, after treatment stopped, you would "feel much much better, even within a few days, and within a couple of weeks, eating and sleeping better, feeling more settled in yourself, screaming joint and muscles pain gone and real skin instead of patchwork of doormats and sandpaper....." well people may have told you this but it ain't necessarily so . and if you expected it then you could be terribly shocked and discouraged which is also not good for recovery
5) The News. I am afraid the news and current affairs is also bad for recovery and I don't think I need to explain why
6) MORE SHOPPING. this time it is - self-service check-outs, they don't work, you always have to call and assistant to reset the damned thing, and then as you load your shopping into your bag, an evil mechanical voice will chant at you "error, error, there is an unidentified object in the bagging area." FUCKING HELL!! someone very sick in the head designed this system to make brain fog even worse. also the nasty mechanical voice will actually nag you to hurry up by repeating, "please load you goods into your bag, please complete your purchase" over and over again. this is truly cruel
7) Your Friends and Family. I am very sorry to tell you that around 60% of your friends and family will impede your recovery by making you very angry and alienated when they say things like "oh, you are looking / sounding so much better." or " well I expect you are feeling such a relief and so much more cheerful now." and even " so now you are totally cured, right?" when YOU HAVE EXPLAINED THE WHOLE 3, 6 AND 12 MONTHS SCENARIO ABOUT ONE HUNDRED TIMES ALREADY. this again is yet more stress. also they may expect you to now: go out on jolly little triips with them, help with their latest gardening/ re-decorating / normal life project as they have not had a helping hand from you for over a year and anyway it "will do you so much good." ((((((((((( also they might ask you questions, like "what did you do at the weekend??" and will find it very strange and boring when you tell them you did not do anything, you are still on the sofa staring at nothing
8) MORE SHOPPING HELL. if you wish to wear a balaclava or a sack over your head because you don't like to be seen, unfortunately, shops don't like this too much. they just do not understand at all....
9) The telephone. Of course, all the way through treatment you have neither wanted nor been able to speak on the telephone..... in fact it is an appaling and almost phobic idea. Possibly now people also think you will talk on the phone. You in fact might also think it's time to do this. Well if you must, then limit yourself to no more than five minutes or your brain cells will spontanesouly combust. obviously that's also very bad for recovery
10) Driving. well I guess at some point you will get in that metal box and try and go somewhere. There seems to be a horrible conspiracy going on as while you are out, doing this, agents of disruption will keep moving all the streets around and you will end up twenty miles from home, when you only wanted to travel a mile, and with no idea where you are..... be careful to only drive when you have to until really totally ready. also there are other people out there driving, and they have a very selfish and insane way of doing it and many do not believe in using indicators.....
11) Going to a hairdresser and getting your hair cut. this is out of the question until at least 9 months post treatment. if you consider it any sooner than that - are you CRAZY??? it takes ages, and the lighting in salons is even worse than in shops., also everyone looks gorgeous and you look and feel like a fiendsih zombie vampire type creature and have to shut your eyes so you won't see that big cruel harsh mirror. and everyone else will think this is weird. also the haridresser will try to talk to you about holidays and this will make you want to grab the hairspray from her and attack. but worst of all will be the torturous manhandlong of your head and scalp for what feels like one hundred years of yanking and bashing your skull. don't do it, just wear scarves over your hair all the times.
12) Advice. Other people's (yes, well-meaning and kind intentions) advice is VERY bad for you. Be warned, here are some of the things thiey will tell you: * try taking some echinacea, it's very good for your immune system. * make sure you drink plenty of water. *have you heard of Milk Thistle? it's good for the liver. * try to set yourself small goals and give yourself little treats as you achieve them * oh, you must make sure you get plenty of good sleep, it will really help restore you (aaaagh yes we know and we know a lot of the other stuff, especially after 48 weeks) *try to think positive, as a positive attitude will help you stay on track * why not do some yoga??? * maybe you should go to an evening class?
well, I hope this is helpful. today I HAD to get out and go to a busy shop. the self-check out machine was not working.... while the assisstant was trying to re-set it, another customer kept interrupting and saying - "excuse me, my machine isn't working either, can you just quickly have a loook?" etc..... I told her quite firmly, to wait...... she carried on chipping in while the poor assistant was trying to concentrate.....
I yelled at her!!))) I shouted "Have some manners and wait your turn, this poor lady can only serve one person at a time and she is serving me right now....!!"""
I REALLY YELLED!! it was cool and I felt much better)))
good health and recovery to you all. eva day