Monday, 6 September 2010

not sleeping

Awake in the night

I move through shadows, disorientation and tunnel vision in the night

The refrain I chant to reassure myself reminds me there will be light

But I am like a sleep walker, stumbling in the dark and shattered

By fragmented, ugly dreams; my mind is splintered, my life is battered

no sense of direction; tunnel vision and I am blind-sided, in the fog

my companion of the lonely hours; is depression, we call it the black dog

I know that sleep has deserted me: there will be no relief for the long test

Of courage and endurance when the jangled thoughts will not be laid to rest

The enemy has invaded the encampment, my only place of safety and retreat

The dragon slayers fear within is the longing to collapse, exhausted, in defeat

The virus that invades our bodies, our blood, our lives is the factor that is known

It’s what’s hidden in the shadows of the void that scares us when we feel most alone

It’s no dream, though often it seems sinister, unreal – it is my dark passage of the soul

I push aside the fear that there is no real recovery, believe I can be well and whole

It is my life, my health, my strength, my reality I am fighting to heal and to reclaim

They promise me there will be new beginnings when the dragon has been slain

In the dragon slayers journey through a harsh and frightening, lonely land

It is the battle in the mind that is the greatest challenge: and to believe and understand

That so much of the distortion that envelops us is not reality, but the chemistry of illusion

I move through shadows and the shadows move through me, fill me with confusion

I can’t define what is faith, strength, patience but these qualities we envoke each day

We take each heavy but determined step, trust our hearts and intuition will find the way

The strength of purpose that we discover and the human instinct to live and thrive

Is the greatest treasure we discover and keeps our visions and our vibrant spirits alive

Hold a promise in your heart; your guiding star in your mind’s eye; hope will banish fear

There is power in your vision and your determination; know that the clouds will clear

Nourish your dreams, they are like stepping stones, a pathway: hold your steady pace

The journey happening inside your soul is to a renewed and healing inner space.

(by eva day)

wishing you healing, peace of mind and sweet dreams. xx eva

Sunday, 5 September 2010

a medieval tale

A Medieval Tale by Eva Day

"is HCV it a cosmic jolt, a wake –up call?" my friend asks, sounding very wise

I think I know what's coming next:– is this her moment to preach and patronise?

Perhaps this is your spiritual lesson and a signal that you need to re-evaluate your path

"no," I think – perhaps the universal powers that be are just having a good laugh

At this simplistic version of a biology more complex than a half-baked new age theory

But I couldn't really be even half-arsed to discuss it with her, I was feeling bloody weary

I would feel kind of hacked off at this sort of flimsy, junk philosophy – so trite

If I wasn't drifting off in my imagination, picturing myself as a valiant medieval knight

Donning armour, mounting steed and prepared to fight the dragon – my heroic quest

So I gave her a brief answer – which was "I am familiar with the concepts you suggest:

perhaps a modern take on "god has visited this on you" sermons from the middle ages?

When people ramble on like this to Heppers, it could trigger fits of horrid riba rages ...

If I find meaning in my journey, that comes from my own perceptions and insight

Is it a karmic kick up the proverbial fundamental seat of learning? Too black and white

It's a biological reality; any meaning is my own; which you could ask me to describe:

Yes, I discover, strength, and learning in the battle with the dragon virus adversary

But this is my life, my health, my challenge – not some story from a medieval nursery

And alongside the absolute determination to find courage we often feel the fear and pain

With the enemy that invaded our blood, our bodies:, fighting to reclaim our lives again

Good lives, like you, we'd already done some living and some learning –; don't conclude

That we were somehow deficient in wisdom and awareness: I find it arrogant and crude

But I didn't get too agitated because I think she doesn't understand – but meant well

So I told her; I do often have weird images in my brain, like Dante's Inferno: it is hell

But not demonic or angelic visitations ... they're chemically induced total brain fucks

if this is some kind of spiritual experience ( not just scrambled circuits) – then it sucks!

When folk tell you their pet theories; ask them to imagine how it is to be sick and tired

And listening to a load of utter bollocks: it really does not make you feel inspired!

by eva day in a spirit of irony and (mostly) good humour! to distract you whenever they start telling you where it's at - instead of finding a way to ask and to listen. or when nothing makes any god-damned sense any way ..... good journeying to you. love eva xx

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