Friday 7 January 2011

after treatment finishes..... ????

FOR END OF TREATMENT. BECAUSE WHEN TREATMENT IS FINISHED, FOR A WHILE IT CAN FEEL LIKE IT'S OVER...... BUT NOT. SO FOR ALL IN THAT PLACE. AND FOR ALL HEP C PATIENTS, INCLUDING THOSE WHO DO NOT OR CANNOT TREAT. AS WE ALL HAVE MANY EXPERIENCE IN COMMON. WE ARE SHARING THE DIFFERENT REALITIES WITH HONESTY AND COURAGE.



I have my horizon eyes on, ready to look ahead, to future dreams

what do I see? what awaits? hopeful yet cloudy, confused is how it seems

hard to have vision through mist or fog. brain fog. I never heard the phrase

before hep c. i think i remember a simplicity in daily life. those were the days.

times of a lost innocence; though I thought i knew so well, life's darker faces

Hep C is an intense experience which takes us to different and such surreal places



If I cannot see clearly, with strategy, plans and clear signposts to a joyful new start,

i choose to peacefully be in the present and listen to gentle guidance from the heart.

yes, it is also hard to hear clearly, both vision and instinct are obscured and uncertain

I feel as if I observe the ordinary world from a bubble or from behind an invisible curtain



where was the hoped for sense of freedom, relief, when hcv treatment had ended?

and some sense of being on solid ground with familar landscapes, on which I'd depended?

instead I found myself lost in a limbo land and feeling sore, tired, flat, empty and weary

not feeling excited, ready to set goals, as I had no reserves and everything seemed dreary.



But this too made me feel bad, I thought I was wrong or being negative, bleak not good enough.

and I talked with others who'd felt that too, more struggle after a treatment so horribly tough

we found some relief in shared insights that beyond the great battle, we meet a new fight

the people in our world may think, we are done with the meds, all is over and we are alright



and maybe, being full enveloped for so long in struggle, pain and mental and emotional distress

we forget to ease up on ourselves, allow a time of just being and not fear that it's all such a mess

I think i'm screwed up long-term by it all, and may not get me back we whisper to a good friend

yes, I have had so much courage, and patience and hope, day by long day to the finishing line

I am hurting and scared, need to feel still supported, and long to feel once again my spirit shine



and if perhaps one other person can hear this, that will help keep us hopeful, safe and steady

we may let go of too many goals and expectations and let recovery unfold, as we are ready

but the person who most needs to hear and accept is myself, knowing with in that i will just feel

a sense of reclaiming myself and my life, with renewed strength and inspiration, as I gradually heal



I send wishes to others that you be kind to yourself and hold in you heart thoughts of new flow

as the next stage of the journey unfolds, you will navigate and find your way through and grow

perhaps we are wounded: fear is there, for us all yet we may draw from it a treasure quite freeing

strength, compassion, sharing, and possibilities for new beginnings and authentic ways of being.



whatever your story, where you are in your journey, your challenges, hopes, dreams and prayers

I send you blessings, and much love, light and laughter, and thank you for being someone who cares.



with much love from eva day to all at the different stages of the Hep Journey and most especially to my wonderful friends who made each day a lot more doable. wishing a good road ahead to all. xx eva day

4 comments:

  1. This is beautiful! A good friend of mine told me the other day that I could expect to be kind of in limbo (actually I think she said "germinating" which is much more optimistic!) for a bit...but suggested as long as I keep writing and networking my path will slowly unfold. I'm trusting her advice, and I'm ok with being a little seed waiting for the day I can pop my head out into the sunlight!
    xo
    Jenny

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  2. I've been on the treatment for 14 weeks so far...pegasys interferon and ribavarin and incivek and so far so good seems to be working...side afects have been minimal....

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  3. hi there well just finished treatment..six long months of it..and am happy to report that it was not as bad as i thought it would be. and the virus is not detected in my system any longer at all. I'm supposed to test again in six months and if it's still not detected then I'm cured...yay for me...thanks for your blog it really helped prepare me for the worst..

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  4. I was diagnosed as HEPATITIS B carrier in 2013 with fibrosis of the
    liver already present. I started on antiviral medications which
    reduced the viral load initially. After a couple of years the virus
    became resistant. I started on HEPATITIS B Herbal treatment from
    ULTIMATE LIFE CLINIC (www.ultimatelifeclinic.com) in March, 2020. Their
    treatment totally reversed the virus. I did another blood test after
    the 6 months long treatment and tested negative to the virus. Amazing
    treatment! This treatment is a breakthrough for all HBV carriers..

    ReplyDelete